Dating isn't what it used to be.
We've all heard horror stories from friends, family members, and other acquaintances that have unsuccessfully tried dating apps. A recent study by Pew Research has found that online dating app users feel frustrated more than any other emotion.
Most of us know at least one person who has had a hard time finding a partner who is willing to love them at the very least almost as much as they love themselves when online dating. Simply put, people are getting tired of the lack of intimacy and altruism in romantic relationships that comes with modern dating. Instead, modern daters are desiring a soul mate that (most of the time) can only be found in movies.
Thankfully, there are still people out there that want a true connection. One that doesn't involve a selfish, surface-level relationship. Modern love can be true love. Old-fashioned dating is becoming trendy again, but it is important to understand that technology will always play a role in our lives, including how we date. I like to think that technology can play a positive or negative role in our love lives, depending on how we use it when dating.
Here's how I view dating the old-fashioned way in our current world.
|Key Takeaway: You can still be a modern man or woman without having to give up old-fashioned dating rituals. Read below for some dating advice and dating rules. |
How To Date The Old Fashioned Way In The Modern World - 7 Tips
Old-fashioned dating can create successful and lifelong relationships. However, there is always a way to add a modern twist to old traditions. Buying someone roses or their favorite cologne will still almost always be appreciated (but now you can go online and do it in two minutes). Talking on the phone all night is still cute; technology allows us to also video chat. Modern dating can be positive if done correctly.
I've also seen technology can also cause issues within a relationship. There are far too many commitment-phobic people who may not be honest about what they want in a relationship. Some people have one eye on the next Tinder swipe; others cannot help send risque snaps when they know their partner will never find out.
Dating the old-fashioned way takes time, commitment, and patience. If you want to date and find your mate for life, you need to pursue your potential partner. If you are a man, you need to court your woman. If you are a woman, you need to allow your man to take care of you. That is what old-fashioned dating is all about (whether you like it or not). Old-fashioned dating is careful and intentional. It does not thrive on the premise that you can sleep with whoever you want and that people are dispensable. The mentality that there are plenty of fish in the sea does not apply to this dating style.
In This Article:
- When You Date, Date One Person
- Don't Always Go To The Bars For Dates
- Don't Rely On Your Phone
- Use Your Phone
- Be Patient When Dating Someone
- Show Some Respect When Dating
- Always Keep The Romance Alive
- Wrapping Up My Thoughts On Old-Fashioned Dating
When You Date, Date One Person
The basic rule of monogamy is that you only date one person at a time. Pursuing a single partner instead of multiple partners at once allows you to focus on that one person and get to know them faster than if you were to juggle multiple partners at once. When you date more than one person at a time, it can become a logistical mess. You end up not getting to know the people involved because keeping everything straight becomes difficult.
It's not wrong to date multiple people; it just isn't easy to connect and consider someone as an eternal partner when you are also romantically giving yourself to someone else. And, to be clear, it is wrong to date more than one person if you aren't upfront. Dating more than one person is not necessarily wrong, but lying to someone who is putting themselves in a vulnerable position to be with you is.
Don't Always Go To The Bars For Dates
One of the best dating rules: Avoid going to the bars on the first few dates. It may be tempting to do so, considering that alcohol can bring your guard down, but you really will not get to know someone fully when you have alcohol in your and possibly their system. Furthermore, consuming alcohol can cause embarrassing situations. Finally, getting drunk on a first date might break your relationship before it even begins.
Additionally, crowds and loud music typically don't lay the foundation for serious relationships. My suggestion is not to start your relationship at a place that isn't a local watering hole for drunks, and you might be taken seriously. This is not to say that bars are always a negative environment to bring a romantic connection. However, it is important to establish a strong connection with someone before letting your guard down and enjoying a night on the town.
If you are still looking to connect with someone, it will also be my advice not to meet someone at a place where people get "buzzed." Instead, try somewhere else that regular, single people go; coffee shops are great, or the library. Perhaps even your church if you attend or another place where people gather that have the same interests. Pretty much anywhere that is NOT a bar/nightclub. You could even hit a singles event.
More fun date ideas: Top First Date Ideas
Don't Rely On Your Phone
Dating apps take the work out of meeting someone, and you can get to know someone before actually even meeting in person. Modern dating has become almost too convenient.
How reliable are dating apps really? How honest are people really in apps where you swipe left or right just based on a first glance? The pressure is REAL, and people become disposable. Photoshopped images are the norm, and dating multiple people at once without telling anyone is common.
When getting into a new relationship, constantly using your phone while on a date will not allow you to fully get to know the person sitting across or next to you. By not allowing our phones to manipulate how we connect with someone, we can meet the right person organically. We do not have to allow our phones to control our relationships.
If you choose to use a dating app (and people do this successfully), don't let it take over every aspect of your relationship. Finding someone to date online, taking them out on a date, only them, and staying off any dating apps when you are in a relationship is the best way to get to know someone.
|Key Takeaway: If you are fully dependent on your smartphone, you will bring that into the relationship, and it will be a huge problem. Make sure your partner knows that you DO NOT have an addiction to your phone and that they have your full attention. It is best if you don't look for other flings while on a date or texting your friends asking for advice in the middle of a dinner with your potential partner. When you are with your partner, only focus your time on them.|
Use Your Phone
Technology can also be a positive tool in any relationship. Technology is a tool designed to make our lives easier- how someone uses technology is up to that specific person. We can use our phones to separate us from our partners or draw us closer to our partners. We can show people that modern dating and technology can work!
My parents tell me stories about how they called each other when they were dating and talked for hours on the "party line." A party line is a local shared service line where people would all share the same phone line. So you can imagine the obstacles my parents faced when talking on the phone and knowing that anyone could pick up the phone and listen to them without knowing if they were a part of the same party line.
Fast forward to today's phone network. We have many ways to keep our phone conversations private. We can talk on the phone for hours with no one knowing what we are talking about. We can send each other text which can be deleted. When communicating with our loved ones, the level of privacy we can have should not be taken for granted.
There are many ways we can show each other love through our phones, which should not be overlooked. A simple "Good morning beautiful" or "How was work today handsome" can go a long way. An important rule in any relationship is to show some effort, every day. Even if you are in a relationship with someone who lives far away, communication in that long-distance relationship can be simplified through the use of technology.
Be Patient When Dating Someone
It's always scary starting a new relationship, especially if you take my advice and only date one person at a time. Resist the urge if you feel the need to rush things because you don't want to waste your time. I KNOW that it is hard to be vulnerable with one person, but it will take time and effort if you truly want to get to know that person.
Rushing into a relationship and taking further steps of commitment fast is a risky way to date someone. However, each couple is different. Some may be ready for the next step faster than others. So proceed with caution and take your time when making huge relationship decisions.
Show Some Respect When Dating
People sometimes go on dates because they are bored or hook up. However, for most age groups, statistically more people use online dating apps for a more serious connection than just to hookup.
This can cause problems in a potential relationship when people aren't honest about their intentions. Respect is seldom given anymore between men and women. Rarely is there a time where I see a man open a door for a woman, but I hear many vulgar terms about women. And I listen to women complain about men. It has become easier to be selfish and treat people and dispensable and objects solely used for one's own pleasure.
A lack of mutual respect is what causes serious problems in many romantic relationships. Being aware of another partner's needs and honest about your intentions will allow love to flow in a lot smoother. Although mutual respect has always been a priority in old-fashioned dating, it's time to bring that respect back. Instead of being sneaky, be sensitive of your partner's feelings. It may be easy to think that because of technology, you can get by with sneaky flings or quick one-nighters, but the truth is technology has also made it easy to get caught. There are websites that specialize in catching cheating partners, so just don't.
Always Keep The Romance Alive
Courting should NOT end when you finally meet the love of your life. Life can get busy- especially when careers and kids enter the picture. However, your relationship should ALWAYS be important. Do not give up the roses, backrubs, and dates five weeks, five years, or even five decades into the relationship. Always make your partner feel important; always keep your love alive. In fact, you should be putting your partner's needs before your own, and vice versa. That way, you can take care of each other.
Wrapping Up My Thoughts On Old-Fashioned Dating
Lack of intimacy and the ability to exercise egocentric behavior can cause resentment and confusion within any relationship. Most modern daters are having a hard time finding a partner who is capable of giving love and respect in the relationship.
To have a fully blossomed and beautiful romantic relationship with someone, it is important to become selfless for the other person and vice versa.
Dating only one person at once and following other old-fashioned dating rituals allows a couple to be selfless for one another truly. Finding your forever connection not only means putting another person's feelings above your own; but also finding someone to do the same for you. So, while you are finding the love of your life, make sure to date the old-fashioned way (a little sprinkle of some modern elements is OK too) and find someone who wants to put the same amount of commitment that you do.